So last Friday, I was to undergo phase 2 of my dental implant procedure wherein the cover of the implant (that was screwed in during the December surgery in which they drilled a hole through my gums and jawbone) is removed and the crown attachment is inserted. However, when my doctor went to unscrew the cover–the whole implant came loose.
This is the second implant failure I’ve had in 2 years. Since I was already in the chair, and I had a gaping hole in my jawbone, she said “I’m gonna plug your hole with dead people!” She came back with what looked like a Land-o-Lakes butter packet, which she peeled open and spread onto a tiny little dental spatula, or butter knife. “This is allogeneic bone tissue, so while it’s cadaver sourced, there’s no chance of contracting anything. It’s been sterilized, treated, irradiated… no chances of disease, it’s unheard of.”
“Has it been blessed?” I asked.
“What??”
“Well, what if I have the bone tissue of a crazed serial killer? Won’t I then become one? Or at least have the jaw of one? An unstoppable, insatiable jaw hungry for the blood of others?”
She looked at me for a while, then laughed “How about I get you a script for some party favors? I mean Percocets!” Har har!
After writing out the prescription, she started stitching up the gums. “I packed it pretty tight and full in there. The stitching will last a few days, but in the meantime, over the next couple of days, don’t be alarmed if, when you’re eating or drinking, little bits of bone fragments are in your mouth. That’s completely normal.” Yum!
So now it’s Wednesday, I’m done with the antibiotics and most of the pain is gone. The problem is that now whenever anyone pops their head into my office, to exchange workplace pleasantries, I don’t even pay attention to what they’re saying. All I can do is stare at them and think–BRAINS!
In other news
